High Expectations + Low Expectations

Since new years, my life has had it's ups and downs, just like everyone. The wave of excitement that reaches it's peak on how life can be great, then suddenly goes down into the dirt just as fast as the excitement hits. And that's just how life goes and it's just something we all have to deal with.

Let's get to the point of this post shall we.

I was invited to go to a, how do we call it, a simple showcase. Where one would express their thanks to those who have supported them for all the years they were active, and such. Being a natural introvert who craves for human interaction from time to time. I accepted this invitation hoping it would open some opportunities for the future. I hoped that I would have an awesome time. I hoped that if I attended, the event would have a huge impact on me and on my life. I hoped that when it was over, inspiration and motivation to do much more with my life would grow and stabilize itself for a few days. I hoped I would grab the emotions that float around when I go to events like these. But I guess hoped for too much.

This is all internally, and has nothing to do with the event's atmosphere or the people. This is all just how I take in the event and how my subconscious decided to take in all in, but hasn't fully decided whether this event was something good or something bad.

I walked out of that house feeling numb, stunned, and unaccomplished. When I wanted to feel inspired, hopeful, and satisfied. The entire drive home, I was pondering on the reasons why I felt like I felt nothing but mostly numbness for what had just happened. My thoughts then moved towards the idea that I had expected too much from this event, when it was just a small piece of gratitude from an amazing artist. And of course I despise myself for feeling this way towards a special event such as this.

Let us accept what had happened, accept that the emotions what were built up high had been built but had also been broken down into something that will grown to become much larger.

It's okay to expect too much, but weary for how high your expectations grow fore it may be painfully confusing to feel your expectations getting tossed into the ground to feel undone.

I hope you all had a wonderful day! 

My days

Hello my dearest readers!
What's up?

I thought I'd update y'all on the recent events that have occurred in my dull life lately.

Well since I've been done with university (with the classes and such) I have been doing absolutely nothing for the entire January besides going out occasionally in the weekends. I basically have been sitting home watching TV Series; most specifically Merlin, for the entire month.

Other than that I've been attending Toastmaster meeting twice every month.

I thought I'd share a picture. I'm over there on the far left corner with the chopsticks in the hair. 

This was taken during our latest meeting and the theme was "Chinese New Year"

Check out our website! Young Adult Toastmasters

So yea. Now I am somewhat temporarily working for my dad. While I'm unsure of what I want to do next, I'm working for him. Helping out with managing the business and other stuff. 

I've been meaning to write a Valentines Day post but I somehow couldn't put myself up to writing it, I just wasn't feeling it. But I want to write something about Relationships and Love and all that. 

I can say that I somewhat have my ideal body. I'm alright with my body right now. There are some parts of it that I treasure and some that I wish that weren't there but I learn to love them through time. Like my tummy. xD

One thing I learned about getting to your ideal body is to find what you love about yourself, cherish it and love it to death, and you'll find more things that you love about yourself through time. I loved how my hands looked and from there I started loving other stuff on my body, and gradually I noticed my body changing to how I want it to be. 

I am and will forever be grateful for losing 18 kilograms in 3 years. 

When you're lost in life, just stay put and relax a bit. Love what you have now, and enjoy it. Soon you'll find the way. It may take time to reveal itself to you but it will come. Ideas will start popping up in your head, opportunities will start coming up, more people will acknowledge how good you are, and you will get there. Just keep on believing that there will always be a way

The Meaning of Life

For the past week, I've felt completely lost and blank with my life. I started asking questions to myself like;
"Why are we in this world? Why is there life? Why is there the universe? How is all this possible? How is life impossible? What is the purpose of life? Why is it so meaningful?"

and other random questions of why are here, living on this planet in this universe.

I have basically been on auto pilot the entire week, thinking, wondering, cogitating my life and it's purpose. 

On Friday, my cousin came over, and I slightly opened up to her, and told her my thoughts and questions, and she showed me a video that at least explains the meaning of life. 

Here is the video if you want to watch it. Sex, Death and the Meaning of Life

My cousin explained to me that there is no real meaning of life, and that everyone has their own purpose and meaning to life. No one can really explain it's meaning. We even googled it and skimmed through the wikipedia page. Meaning of life.

At the end of everything that I read and watched for about 2 hours or less, and the entire day of trying to sink everything in and understand it. I came up with the conclusion that life has no meaning and that you have to enjoy the beauty of life and what it has to offer. 

I'll be finishing university on December at the age of 18. This seems another big leap in my life and I think this is the reason that made me think twice of the existence of entire universe and everything inside and around it. 

I still seem a bit lost and black and my brain is probably still on auto pilot. But, we just all have to face life head on and enjoy it. Enjoy what it has to offer, because who knows, we'll maybe only get one life. Or as most people say these days that really annoy the hell out of me "You only live once (YOLO)"

I fucking hate that line because it became so annoyingly mainstream. But it speaks that truth. You may only live once or you may be resurrected or something.  

You just have accept the life you have and enjoy the wonders of everything it presents, because to be completely honest, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it; besides kill yourself. 

The meaning of life is the most unanswered questions in the entire universe; in my opinion. Life is just there, without any explanation, it just exists and no one knows why. It is up to you what you do with yours. 

I am going to make the best of it. Starting with finishing university with honors. From there I'll have to decide what to do next.